Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My 2012 NFL Predictions

Sorry these are late.  But technically they're not, I started them at 11:54, you're just not getting them until after midnight.

NFC East
1.  Eagles
2.  Giants
3.  Cowboys
4.  Redskins

This is always a fun division to follow.  For no particular reason, I have the Eagles edging out the Giants and Cowboys in a very competitive division.  Andy Reid deserves some good in his life.  All four teams will score points.  RG3 will be good, but he's the worst QB in this division, currently.

NFC North
1.  Packers
2.  Lions
3.  Bears
4.  Vikings

Is Matt Weiss out there tonight to call me a homer? I think the Packers are the best team in this division, hands down.  I like the Lions offense, the Bears will be good, and the Vikings wear purple.

NFC South
1.  Falcons
2.  Saints
3.  Panthers
4.  Bucs

I never have a feel for this division.  The Saints will take a step back with all the off-season turmoil.  As long as Jimmy Graham scores about 15 touchdowns.

NFC West
1.  49ers
2.  Seahawks
3.  Rams
4.  Cardinals

I don't know, this could be the worst division in football.  The 49ers will come back down to earth, but still win this division.

NFC Playoff Seeds
1.  Packers
2.  Eagles
3.  Falcons
4.  49ers
5.  Giants
6.  Lions

NFC Playoff Results

Wild Card Round
Falcons over Lions, Giants over 49ers

Divisional Round
Eagles over Falcons, Packers over Giants

NFC Title Game
Packers over Eagles


AFC East
1.  Patriots
2.  Jets
3.  Dolphins
4.  Bills

I actually think the Patriots will run away with this division.  Tired of the Jets drama, Dolphins and Bills won't compete this year.

AFC North
1.  Ravens
2.  Bengals
3.  Browns
4.  Steelers

This is not a misprint.  The Steelers will take last place in the AFC North this year.  My Browns will progress into a competent unit, and take a step up.  I like the Ravens making a deep run.

AFC South
1.  Texans
2.  Titans
3.  Jaguars
4.  Colts

This will be another weak division.  The Texans win this by 3 games.  Andrew Luck will be great one day.  That day will not occur in 2012.

AFC West
1.  Broncos
2.  Raiders
3.  Chargers
4.  Chiefs

Outside of the Broncos, I really don't have a feel for this division either.

AFC Playoff Seeds
1.  Patriots
2.  Texans
3.  Ravens
4.  Broncos
5.  Bengals
6.  Raiders

AFC Playoff Results

Wild Card Round
Ravens over Raiders, Broncos over Bengals

Divisional Round
Ravens over Texans, Patriots over Broncos

AFC Title Game
Patriots over Ravens


Super Bowl Prediction

Green Bay Packers 37
New England Patriots 31

MVP, Aaron Rodgers
Fantasy MVP,  Aaron Rodgers
I've seen his penis,  Brett Favre

Monday, September 3, 2012

Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#1)

1.  (Chippendales ... Oct 27, 1990)

Much like Game Six of the 1986 World Series, I don't think I can watch this without crying.  It's that funny.  And how do Jan Hooks, Kevin Nealon and Mike Myers keep from laughing?  I remember watching this episode with my mom, who loved Patrick Swayze.  We both lost it.  I also remember this airing shortly after my Grandma died, and this was probably the first time I really let go and allowed myself to be happy since her death.  It's sad to think that both Farley and Swayze are gone.  Well, there you have it.  My favorite SNL moment of all time ...


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#2)

2.  (Behind the Music : Blue Oyster Cult ... Apr 8, 2000)

AKA Cowbell.  This is genius on so many levels, there are too many to mention them all.  Ferrell's shirt.  That wig.  Kattan's moustache.  Walken.  Fuckin' Walken.  Fallon losing it.  There is only one moment better ...




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#3)

3.  (The Barry Gibb Talk Show ... Oct 11, 2003)

This is the highest ranking recurring sketch of all time.  But I'll be honest.  I didn't realize that the theme song was a parody of an actual Bee Gees song until about 4 years ago (Nights of Broadway).  But as soon as I realized it, I bought it on iTunes, and now it's a playlist staple of mine.  Me singing the theme to this sketch is thee reason that Heather and I are no longer married.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#4)

4.  (Jizz in My Pants ... Dec 6, 2008)

Just like a lot of the great sketches, including several of the Digitial Shorts, you don't see it coming, but when it does, it absolutely kills.  For the first minute or so, this has the look, feel and sound of something MTV could have aired for the kiddies.  Andy Samberg's legacy is on the show is officially cemented.  If SNL ever has a Hall of Fame, he's in.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#5)

5.  (Synchronized Swimmers ... Oct 6, 1984)

This is most definitely the highest ranking sketch that a lot of you may not have ever seen.  For those of you who have seen it, you probably agree that this is an all time great.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#6)

6.  (The Chris Farley Show ... Oct 5, 1991)

They only did three of these, with Jeff Daniels, Martin Scorsese and Paul McCartney.  Scorsese and McCartney's were so good, it's so hard to choose which one to include.  I decided to go with Paul McCartney.  I think it was the line, "I wasn't really dead."


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#7)

7.  (Neil Diamond : Storytellers ... Feb 7, 1998)

I think one of the reasons I eventually skipped out on the Neil Diamond show at Summerfest, is that I would have been disappointment had this not happened.  As funny as this is, it's almost a shame that I can no longer hear or see Neil Diamond without thinking about this.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#8)

8.  (Office Patriotism ... Oct 6, 2001)

The week before this aired, Lorne Michaels asked Rudi Guiliani, "Can we be funny?", to which Guiliani responded, "Why start now?"  I remember bawling during this.  Pretty much everyone in the sketch breaks character, and you can see Ferrell is laughing, almost from the onset.  One of the great, great moments in the history of this great show.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#9)

9.  (9/11 Tribute / Paul Simon performs "The Boxer" ... Sept 29, 2001)






















Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#10)

10.  (Beatles Offer ... Apr 24, 1976)

Did you know that this was the basis of Dr Evil ?  Everything about this works.  The idea that the Beatles would say yes.  The actual check.  Having George Harrison try to cash in on his own, months later, only to get turned down.  I still need to find that VH1 movie, Two of Us, on DVD.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#11)

11.  (Dick in a Box ... Dec 16, 2006)

We were in Mt Vernon, IL, celebrating Christmas with Heather's parents the night this aired.  Gracie, who was just over a year old, was fast asleep, and Kathy and Tracy were in their own room.  I laughed so hard, I think I woke Gracie.  I don't talk to Heather much anymore, but we still argue about what they should have called this.  I think Dick in a Box is perfect.  She thinks it should have been called Cock in a box.  Dick is way funnier.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#12)

12.  (Cornelius Timberlake ... May 9, 2009)

This was the lead in to the "Mother Lovers" Digital Short, which did not make the list, but this was such a funny and clever idea, that I had to be reminded that this was the lead in.  JT's face when Moynihan questioned him, and his voice changing.  Brilliant.  Three more Timberlake moments left ...




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#13)

13.  (Nick Winters ... Jan 28, 1978)

If I had a nickel for every time I've sang this in the shower, I'd be a rich man.  Honorable mention to the  time Murray improvised the theme from M.A.S.H.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#14)

14.  (Love-ahs ... Feb 24, 2001)

I remember like it was yesterday.  Watching this live, the sketch just didn't seem to be building or going anywhere.  Then, the infamous phrase, "Ow ... my back", which turned something that could have been far from memorable into one of the great moments of all time on SNL.  Moments like this, where you don't really see it coming, are always classic.  It went from nothing to a volcano of laughter instantly.  The 100th Digital Short had a similar path.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#15)

15.  (Derek Steven's Choppin' Broccoli ... Oct 11, 1986)

"Get off the Shed" lands Will Ferrell on SNL, and he debuts it on his first show.  Same story here.  This is what Dana Carvey killed with during his audition, and ends up using it on his first show.  He has continued to perform this in his stand up routine through out the years.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#16)

16.  (Matt Foley : Motivational Speaker ... May 8, 1993)

I know this would be #1 on a lot of people's list.  When you get this deep into a list like this, you're splitting hairs.  But like I said earlier, Mr Farley still has two more entries to go on this list.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#17)

17.  (Olympia Cafe ... Jan 28, 1978)

Bill Murray puts this one over the top.  How many people on this planet can kill when they are simply nodding.  This is one of three entries from the "Not Ready for Prime Time Players".


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#18)

18.  (Bennett Brauer ... Mar 19, 1994)

Anyone out there that is not a fan of Chris Farley, time to change the channel.  Farley leads all performers with FIVE entries in the Top 20.  Will Ferrell has FOUR, and a certain host is featured in FOUR, but it's not Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, Christopher Walken or Adrian Brody.




Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#19)

19.  (Paul McCartney performs "Get Back" ... Dec 11, 2010)

This was the last of five songs that McCartney did that night.  This was done right after goodnights, and was a fitting way to end one of the better shows in recent memory.


Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (#20)

20.  (Zagat's with Hank and Beverly Gelfand ... Feb 25, 1995)

There's that moment of on-air magic when Farley first puts his hand on Sandler's knee.  That look Sandler gives him.  Farley's clothes, his delivery.  Those wigs.  Brilliant.




Saturday, September 1, 2012

Fugazzi Grand II : SNL (The Ones That Just Missed)

From the time I started winding down Fugazzi Grand in 2010, which counted down my Top 1000 favorite songs, I knew I wanted to come back in 2012 and do something similar.  At the end of 2011, I started outlining what would be known as Fugazzi Grand II : SNL, counting down my Top 1000 favorite moments in the history of Saturday Night Live.  It took me over 6 months to cut my original list down to 1000, and another couple of months to rank them.

Saturday Night Live debuted on Saturday night, October 11, 1975, 9 days after I was born.  I'm sure my parents were watching it.  And I'm sure I ended up seeing a bunch of them in my early days.  I was aware of the show from a very early age, and started to take notice in the mid 80's.  I became a permanent fan in the fall of 1989, and haven't missed a show since then.


Here are a few great moments that just barely made my list of the Top 1000.  Keep in mind, with approximately 740 shows over the past 37 years, there are close to 10,000 different moments from which to choose from, so these are still considered to be really good moments ...

In no particualar order ...

Horatio Sanz doing his impression of Ozzy Osbourne, where he was incoherent when he talked, but made perfect sense while he sang ...




















Tom Green, at the end of his hosting gig, waiting to be married to Drew Barrymore, only to have her no-show.




















The Target Lady, I think was funny the first few times we saw it, but in subsequent showings, they didn't really do anything to add to the character or sketch, so in the end, did not make the cut.















Same with Secret Word ... funny the first time, but it ended up being the same shtick every time, never really got more clever or funny.















Tony Rosato's Ed Asner Impression happens to be the very last thing that I cut.





















Well now you know what just missed it.  On Monday, you'll find out what my Top 20 favorites are.

Thanks for following "The Litmus Configuration"

Joey