This time around, George Carlin appears in sketches.
Announcer: The fastest. The tallest. The hottest. The furthest. Now, all in one book - "Ted's Book of World Records". Ted: Hi, I'm Ted McGinty, and I spent the last fifteen years compiling my book of world records. And the results are astounding. Announcer: The fastest recorded 100-yard dash. Ted: 22 seconds flat. Announcer: The longest bath. Ted: 31 minutes. Announcer: Most eggs ever eaten in one sitting. Ted: Two. I'm not much on breakfast. Announcer: Greatest height ever attained. Ted: 5-foot-ten and a quarter. Announcer: Yes, now you can explore the entire range of human diversity. From Ted's tallest boss, to his youngest niece. Most rattlesnakes ever milked. Ted: None! Announcer: World-Land Speed Record. Ted: Well, the cop claimed I was doing 80. Announcer: Witness the bizarre, the inexplicable, the uncanny. Including the only known instance of a woman giving birth.. to Ted! You'll find out the distance between Ted and each known planet. Ted: Yes, it's a fascinating world around me. Won't you join me as we explore it together? Announcer: And, if you act now, you'll get "Ted's Book of Lists". Including: Four People Who Owe Ted Money, Eight Famous Historical Figures Whose Name Ted Can't Pronounce, and the guest list for Ted's fantasy dinner party.. Ted: Farrah Fawcett, Susan Anton, me, Leonard Nimoy.. Announcer: Ted's Book of World Records. On sale in bookstores everywhere. Order now, and make some Ted history of your own. Ted: Greatest Yearly Income, $3,800. Please, help me out, I'm desperate.. |
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