And so it goes

Draft day is history....

Not thrilled with my scoring league team, but I guess anything can happen. This is how "Day Bow Bow" shakes down....

Aaron Rodgers QB
Frank Gore RB
Jason Witten TE
Braylon Edwards WR
Hines Ward WR
Stephen Gostkowski PK
Larry Johnson RB
Chargers Defense
Steve Smith WR (again, the other one)
Torry Holt WR
Joe Flacco QB
Adam Vinatieri PK
Eagles Defense
Brent Celek TE

Gonna wind down and watch My Best Friend's Girl. Better be funny....

2nd Annual Son of Fugazzi Draft

Tonight is the 2nd annual Son of Fugazzi Scoring League I created last year to supplement the Fugazzi Fantasy Football League. I have the 9th pick, and auto pilot is OFF. I made the playoffs last year, and I want to get back. We are inside ten minutes until we kick off. Harry Connick, do the honors on the ipod....

That's a wrap

Last five picks go like this....

Devery Henderson WR
Jamaal Charles RB
Greg Jones RB
Brandon Pettigrew TE
Matthew Stafford QB

OK, time to be a dad. Scoring league results to come later tonight......

Whatever....

Next four picks....

Baltimore Ravens Defense
LeSean McCoy RB
Robbie Gould PK
Brent Celek TE

5 picks left. Still fuming about the auto picks. Now if I succeed, I can't even take credit for it....

Cheese and Rice !

I hate my life. I've been planning for this day for months, and my computer fails me in the 2nd round. Two picks were selected on auto pilot, Pierre Thomas (hurt) and Brandon Marshall (dick). I've been a baby ever since. My whole draft board is screwed. Even pissed off the league, and took Favre in the 7th round. Here is my team so far...

Adrian Peterson RB
Pierre Thomas RB
Brandon Marshall WR
Jerricho Cotchery WR
Carson Palmer QB
Steve Smith WR (the other one, not the good one)
Brett Favre QB

20 minutes away!

Super Dad has prepared lunch for Gracie, we've switched up the music to a live Police show, and I cannot wait another minute longer!

Less than two hours away....

All the mock drafts have been completed. All my worksheets have been finalized. I am ready to draft! As reported earlier, Adrian Peterson is the first pick. I've got some sleepers in mind, bye weeks have been double and triple checked. I've got the ipod rockin' on shuffle. Gracie is enjoying some Apple Jacks and Noggin. Let's do this !

Boys and Girls - ACTION!

My All Time State (the top 50 sketches in the history of the show)

Season 1 (14)

"Hormones", "Chip's Party", "Forever", "Fluffy Soft", "Old Fashioned Guy", "Doug & Dad", "Capt. Monterey Jack (shoes)", "Chips Commercial", "Tape People", "Pants", "On the Table", "$240 Worth of Pudding", "Grandma's Potato Chowder" and "Hot Pursuits".

Season 2 (9)

"Barry Lutz Show", "Service with a Smile", "Get a Job", "Copy Shop", "Superfriends", "State Intro", "Dad's Affair", "Oh Betty", and "Talk You".

Season 3 (10)

"The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay", "Blueberry Johnson", "Monkeys Do It", "Prom Photos", "The Bearded Men of Space Station 11", "Louie & the Last Supper", "Freaks", "The Animal Song", "The Funeral" and "Porcupine Racetrack".

Season 4 (12)

"Race", "Howard Report", "Normal Pervert", "Senator Cavanaugh", "Lil' Brown Dog Food", "Terrorist Situation", "Leonard Harris Show", "Free Market Economy", "Beach", "Fragments", "Bacon" and "Tough Choices"

Unaired (5)

"Carter's Lineage", "Coach Gunner", "Cock Skit", "Porno Sex Lover" and "Gunter Brothers"

Marky Leonard Mark!

The State, Unaired Sketches, Outtakes and Promos....

There is a reason why a lot of this didn't air. Not that it was bad, just not as good as what was chosen to be on the show. However, in my opinion, there were a number of skits that were good enough to make the cut. "Hot Day (Language)", "Stephen Hawking Standup", "Carter's Lineage", "Coach Gunner", "Department Store", "Deputy Cow Benny", "Dinner at Marky Mark's", "Cock Skit", "Porno Sex Lover" and "Gunter Brothers" were all really funny. A shorter version of "Gunter Brothers" did air, but this version is better. I also love the "Black to Black" reels, featuring all 11 members doing promos for "the next episode".

Now, my mission is complete. I've been telling everyone that I've been waiting a long time for this collection to come out, and I've finally sat through each and every moment. Time to kill myself. I'm kidding. TIME TO NAME.......MY......ALL.....TIME.....STATE! The best 50 moments in the history of the show......

But not before I process this Taco Bell......see you in about 45 minutes. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!

Goodbye. We're the State.

The State, Season 4, Episode 7....

I don't remember seeing a lot of these sketches, but the ones I remember were good. I love "L.A. Open", which pokes fun at how a lot of variety and/or sketch shows open their shows. "Tough Choices" is really funny, I like "Gunter Brothers", and "Adventures of Young God" was a great way to end the series. While I have gotten through the entire series, I will have two more posts related to The State. I will be reviewing the bonus disc with all the unaired stuff, and on my final post, I will name my ALL TIME STATE best of, featuring 50 sketches, one for each.......State.

Anyway, here's the best of Season 4....

1. Fragments
2. Terrorist Situation
3. Bacon
4. Leonard Harris Show
5. Senator Cavanaugh

And the ones that kinda sucked....

1. Die For Love
2. Slinky's

Time for bed. Gonna enjoy the new Pollard album, Elephant Jokes. 22 songs at around 46 minuters. If it's typical Pollard, 18 of them will suck, but the other 4 will outweigh the bad....

BACON, BACON, BACON !!

The State, Season 4, Episode 6....

Well, I waited a long time for this collection to become available, and we're down to 2 episodes. This one had some classic bits, such as "Jerry's Audition", "Bacon" and "One Camper". I have to admit, I fell asleep while watching this one, and when I woke up, I watched it again. My dinner really knocked me out.

The Brewers were also knocked out tonight. Another loss to the lowly Padres, and you can officially put me in transition mode, to football, that is. The Mets and Brewers have each had disappointing seasons, and while I will still follow my two loves (see book), I will start focusing on football. Anybody need Brewers tickets? I'm your man....

Damn this sideways house!

The State, Season 4, Episode 5....

Not a great episode, but a couple of skits worth talking about. "Prison Break" is the definition of a State sketch, featuring a simple premise, with many little jokes within the joke. "Prom" features members of The State going to prom with actual high school students (this actually happened), and "Borscht Boy" is probably the best sketch from this episode. Only two episodes left!

The Brewers made three big moves today, in an effort to shake things up a bit, and wake up a team that is 2 games under .500 and 7 games out of 1st place. Bill Hall has been designated for assignment, and has most likely played his last game in a Milwaukee Brewers uniform. J.J. Hardy has been sent to Nashville, and may also have played his last game with the Brewers, and Bill Castro has been let go as pitching coach. Hall will be replaced on the big league roster by OF Jason Bourgeois, who was hitting .316 with 36 steals in Nashville. Alcides Escobar will most likely lead off and take over at short, and he was hitting .298 with 42 steals in Nashville, and Chris Bosio will take over as interim pitching coach. Bosio has received praise for turning Manny Parra around this season, and has been a big league pitching coach with Tampa Bay. I, for one, love all three moves. We are a contender, a contender who has underachieved in 2009, and I like that ownership is recognizing this now. Expect more changes this offseason. I can't see Corey Hart back, and Jason Kendall is terrible. They'll also look to bolster a rotation this is one of the worst in baseball right now...

I hit some golf ball this afternoon. The weather was great, it felt good to get out, and now I'm getting ready to flip between the Brewers/Padres and the Cubs/Phillies. I wish I was playing catch with my daughter, though...

Don't you worry about AIDS?

The State, Season 4, Episode 4....

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! "Fragments" is the greatest sketch in the history of the show! I rewound to Holoubek's line at the end 22 times tonight. 22 times! This may be one of the best episodes in the show's history as well, easily the best of season 4. "Terrorist Situation" is probably in the Top 5 for best sketches in the show's history. It kind of makes Dr Evil's "One Million Dollars" seem not as funny after seeing it. "Leonard Harris Show" is brilliant. "Permanent School Record" is Michael Ian Black at his best. "Free Market Economy" is Borat before Borat was cool. I also love "Beach", and the "Cannonball Run" shot by shot remake in the closing credits is the frosting on this very, very funny cake. Only three episodes left, plus the bonus disc of unaired stuff.

Some random thoughts....

• Rick Pitino. In a restaurant? I want to know which one....
• Am I the only person who sees an Asian man with an earring and multiple kids these days and instantly says, "There goes Jon Gosselin"
• Man v Food makes me really, really hungry.
  
• I loves me some Paste Samplers.
  

Nah nih nah nah hoooooooo !

The State, Season 4, Episode 3....

There are literally no memorable quotes from this episode, so I went with a hook from the theme song. Hey, itunes! It's time to make "Boys and Girls - Action" available for purchase. Catchier than hell!

Not much great stuff here, but I will show the respect to "Lil' Brown Dog Food" and "Sal & Frankie". Look, even Billy Joel put out a few less than stellar records. See Cold Spring Harbor and Streetlife Serenade.

My dad wrote me a great letter today. I'm gonna keep it in my wallet, as a reminder that life is pretty good, life has it's ups and downs, and I need to be persistent when following my dreams. Thank you , dad. I mean it....

Jesus Christ, the Brewers suck ass. Machagottago! Machagottago!

These bags weren't meant for tacos

The State, Season 4, Episode 2....

Now this one, I do remember well. Good stuff. "Bikini Thong", "Normal Pervert", "Taco Man", "Senator Cavanaugh" and more zany antics from "The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay" make this a memorable episode.

I'm taking the Issue 55 Paste Sampler for a spin tonight. Sounds pretty good so far., maybe the best one in over a year! Traditionally, I take the 19-21 song playlist they provide, and shave it down to about 13 or 14 songs for the ipod, but I may be keeping more from this one. Each playlist usually features one artist that I am familar with, and I've probably purchased 20 albums from artists that I wasn't familar with until I heard them in Paste. This subscription is a great investment, and maybe my most enjoyable hobby these days.

It's starting to storm again. I'm gonna read for a bit, as I look forward to my haircut.

Give your mother the meatball!

The State, Season 4, Episode 1....

I'm starting to realize that when MTV originally aired these episodes, they aired the first two seasons a lot more than they did the last two, and I'll be honest...in looking at the list of sketches on Season 4, I don't remember some of these. Some of these sketches are on the VHS best of that was released years ago, but I'm starting to wonder if I didn't see a few of these episodes when they originally aired. This first episode featured two sketches I don't ever remember seeing..."Slinky's" and "Cleaners". Or maybe The State and I were growing apart by that time. Some of the better ones from this one were "Race", "Tenament" and "Monkeys Do It II", which probably were all on the VHS compilation.

I tried to cut my own hair this evening. I thought it was going to be easy, but I can't see the back of my head, so I'm gonna ask Amber to get the last nine outs and take credit for the save.

The fantasy football preparations are coming along nicely. I have mapped out my first six picks, the non-keepers, if you will, and have targeted some names for rounds 7-16. Draft(s) day is three weeks away...

Takes all kinds, takes all kinds

The State, Season 3, Episode 6....

Worst episode by far, only two sketches were remotely funny...."Old Lighthouse Jeffers" and "Porcupine Racetrack". Season 3 was much stronger in the first 3 or 4 episodes than it was in the last couple.

Best of Season 3...

1. The Bearded Men of Space Station 11
2. Freaks
3. Louie & the Last Supper
4. The Funeral
   
5. Monkeys Do It

Not so good...

1. Planet Groovy
2. Rug Brothers

I hope everyone had a good time at the bbq yesterday. It was more of a cook-in than a cookout, but despite the weather, we had a great turn out. Mike Schwingle was able to put 24 cheeseballs in his mouth at once, someone may or may not have had a stroke while enjoying his lunch, and the Brewers won big!

Terrible, terrible clothes & pancakes

The State, Season 3, Episode 5....

Not one of their best, but I liked "Kerri's Day", "Betty's No God Clothes Shop and Pancake House" and "Doug IV". Doug IV features four generations, including his dad, Grandpa, and a flash forward to Doug's son, Dave.

OK, I need to light a fire under the Mets, so I'm challenging them to a game. It's the Mets vs the 1988 Animal League Bucks. I'm pitching, and I've got Dean Schuetze, Rob Crivello, Dan Ramstack, Andy Ohm, John Sauer and the rest of the gang with me. Seven innings, Fairy Chasm, tomorrow night!!

This will be my first game in 18 years, so I gotta warm up. Goodnight to you!

Don't get too close, friend!

The State, Season 3, Episode 4....

Medium Head Boy, a-Medium HEAD BOY! Another great episode, featuring another one of my favorites, "Freaks". I quote this sketch at least once a week, every week, since it aired 15 years ago. "Kill Tim" is very funny. "The Funeral" is classic State. I've talked about this before, but the only shame of this collection is the original music that was used is missing, for the most part. This episode originally aired with The State dancing along to Van Halen's "Panama" at an MTV Christmas party, and "Panama" is nowhere to be found on the DVD. A damn shame...

It's been a couple of weeks, but the clear winner (if it's even a contest) of the Grab Bag I bought is Lenny Kravitz' "Are You Gonna Go My Way". It's actually the only full length disc that made the ipod, and it's providing the soundtrack for my writing tonight.

I'll have you know that my sandwich was top notch. Michael Showalter was right. Mustard goes with everything. And pickle, you do your thing, you dirty, sexy gherkin....

But, I have a beard

The State, Season 3, Episode 3....

"The Bearded Men of Space Station 11" is one of my favorite sketches of all time, and not just for The State, for any sketch comedy show. The bearded men never get angry when they are accused of being aliens....you just have to see it. "Origami" and "Louie & the Last Supper" were also really funny.

I've started to read The Greatest Baseball Stories Ever Told, by Jeff Silverman, and I can already tell 9 pages in that I'm going to enjoy it. The first chapter is basically a transcript of "Who's on First", and while checking the Table of Contents, I see that there is a story about my boy, Keith Hernandez. I'll have this book read in a week, tops. I've also been getting the itch to start writing my next book, but I'm still hoping something big happens with Two Loves. I've recently e-mailed Gene Mueller and Mitch Nelles, to no avail. My persistance will hopefully pay off soon.

I hate preparing food for myself, but I've always liked making a sandwich, and that's what about do. Gonna make a sammy with turkey, ham, cheese, mustard and pickle. Was thinking of hittin' BW3's tonight, but I've been thinkin' of this sammich for a couple of hours.

See you later tonight with my charming take on episode 4 of season 3...

What kind of albino is that?

The State, Season 3, Episode 2....

This isn't official, but I think my favorite member of The State was Ken Marino. And no, not because he's Italian. If that were the case, I'd say Joe Lo Truglio, because he's Italian, and his name is Joe. Marino is such a great physical comedian, that he makes every sketch he's in funny, whether he's the main characther or not. He's hilarious in "Prom Photos", "Staring Contest" and "The Popes-a Visit". Another really good episode. Season 3 was really good.

I love my daughter. Tonight, at the dinner table, I was asking her who she loved more, the Packers or Brewers, and she exclaimed, "Packers, daddy". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

"Gracie, Packers or Mets?"............"Packers, daddy"
"Packers or Browns?"........"Packers, daddy"
"Packers or Daddy?"........."Daddy!"
"Daddy or your chicken?"......."CHICKEN, I LOVE CHICKEN, DADDY"
"Chicken or Grandma?"......."Grandma"
"Grandma or Packers?"........"no more" (which is her way of saying, "This game is now boring")

We all live together on Ave. A

The State, Season 3, Episode 1....

Solid. Solid comedy. "Boy in the Barn", "The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay", "Blueberry Johnson" and "The Monkeys Do It" make this one of the stronger episodes in the show's four seasons. Whenever Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter portray Italians, it makes for some sweet, sweet comedy gold.

My apologies for taking a week or so off from TLC. I have no excuse, other than I can be a lazy so and so from time to time. I would love to tell you that I spent the time away supporting my community, or doing good things. Nope! Just a lot of snacking, getting ready for my fantasy leagues, and figuring out my new blackberry. I had a real fast talker at Verizon Wireless a couple of nights ago put me into one of these blackberries. I'm sure if my Grandma were alive, she would tell me that my "blueberry" is buzzing, and I'm sure I'll make the same mistake when I'm a Grandpa.

It's August 4th, and I've already swapped out my baseball stuff in the living room for the football stuff. Not that I'm over excited for the NFL season to start, it's just that the Mets and Brewers are giving me very little to cheer about. Is there a "baseball polygamist" curse?

Saturday afternoon is our big family cookout. I have three days to find the "Suck the Cook" apron on ebay.....there I go again. Ruining a perfectly clean blog entry with smut.

I'm sorry...






boobs

INTERMISSION

The Litmus Configuration will be back soon....I promise!