Hello?

Is anybody reading this shit?

I've just completed a four month project. People love interleague play in major league baseball, so I say expand it. Right now, each team plays 15 games a year, and 6 of those games are against the same opponent each year. I say, expand to 48 games. But it's not that easy. My plan involves one team moving to the American League West, and a team from the NL Central moving to the NL West. This is what I came up with. Move the Colorado Rockies to the American League, and the Houston Astros to the NL West.

The new schedule would feature 48 interleague games, one series against every team, and 3 additional games vs the "natural rival". You would play each team at your home park every other year. You would play 54 division games (13 against 2 teams, and 14 against 2 teams), and 60 other league games (6 games vs each team). It's perfect! With one glitch....because the schedule calls for less 4 game series, the season would start on a Friday, which I think would be cool!

Why this is appealing to me?

The schedule would be great. Creates an even playing field. It would be fun to see more of the talent that MLB has to offer. Every team would visit your home team every other year. It would give you an opportunity to see players you don't normally see.

This would help with travel. Schedule teams to go on 12 game west coast trips, and it wouldn't require multiple trips each year. The NFL did something similiar in the 60's.

This schedule combines what is great about the NBA and NFL schedules. In the NBA, every team matches up during the year, and in the NFL, they rotate the location of interleague games.

I've got the proposed schedule, and it looks great. And you damn right I'm submitting a copy to Bud.

Raditude is here !

Raditude hit stores today, and I am celebrating the release with weezer night in my household. I am listening to every album, chronologically, until I get through all seven. This will be the soundtrack for my baseball writing tonight.

Quick reviews? Sure, I can do that for you........(but I think I just lost Joe Dahms)

Weezer (Blue Album).....The one that started it all. A friend of mine in high school used to work at Camelot Music, and we used to go bowling every Friday. One day I came in right before close, and he had this playing while I was waiting for him. I loved it from day one. Not a weak track on the album, and the videos for Undone and Buddy Holly are all time classics. One of my favorite albums of all time.

Pinkerton.....Holy shit, even better than the Blue Album! This is in my top five albums ever recorded. After the success that weezer had with the Blue Album, they go in a completely different direction with Pinkerton. Very personal lyrics, and raw emotion. Love it....

Weezer (Green Album).....After critics slammed Pinkerton for not being as accessible as the Blue Album, weezer disappeared for about five years, and came back in 2001 with the Green Album. They reunited with Ric Ocasek, and Green sounds a lot like Blue, and features some really good songs. I was disappointed that it was only 28 minutes long, but I still like it.

Maladroit.....This album is special to me because the band posted demos for the songs that ended up on the album as they recorded them, giving fans a peek into what the album would sound like. Heavy guitars, monster hooks. The sound is uniquely weezer, and this album is very underrated.

Make Believe.....Honestly, this is my least favorite weezer album, by far. There are 3 or 4 really good songs, but also 4 or 5 that I skip constantly on the ipod.

Weezer (Red Album).....The boys are back! I love it. Rivers handing some of the songwriting and signing to Brian, Pat and Scott makes for an eclectic, great album. Some of the best weezer songs to date are on this record.

Raditude.....After one listen, I have to say that I enjoy it. It really sounds like these guys are having fun again. This is a really catchy album, some great sing-a-long songs, and I look forward to spending some time with it this weekend.

Dear Daddy, I write you....

....in spite of year's of silence. All you weezer haters step aside. My boys are releasing their new album in 12 days, and it looks like they are coming to Milwaukee on Thursday, Dec 3rd. I will most definitely be there. RAWK! I also scored a ticket to see the Boss on Sunday, Nov 15th at the BC. He is playing the Born to Run album from A to Z, and hopefully a lot more. Nothing like a concert to look forward. Speaking of looking forward to things, I leave for Cleveland in two days. I hope I don't catch the swine flu. It sounds like half of Cleveland has it, at least the team anyway.

I suck

I'm not much of a blogger. I have friends that do this, and update it multiple times a day, and I haven't contributed anything new since October 4th, and I talked about sandwiches for most of it. But I have been keeping busy. I am working on finding a publisher for my book, and I'm already writing the next one.

I leave for Cleveland a week from today for the Packers/Browns game. I am very much looking forward to the weekend away. Good times, good times indeed.

What a sandwich!

I've found a new baby! I bought a big ass sandwich for Mike and I to share today, for $5.99, and it was amazing! The thing was huge, and it damn near knocked both of us out during the late afternoon games. This could be a new Sunday tradition. I beat Mike soundly today, and need two Aaron Rodgers TD's tomorrow to beat Demond in the scoring league. I also need Percy Harvin and the Minnesota Defense to be banned from the building....

Kudos to the Brewers and Mets for both completing season ending sweeps this afternoon. Although it was a disappointing season for both teams, I am already looking forward to next season. The 2009 playoffs start in a few days, and I will be watching the Tigers/Twins game on Tuesday afternoon, and I may get another one of those sexy sandwiches....

Taking Inventory

34 years in the books...and what do I have to show for it? A daughter, a self-published book, a career that I'm proud of, and one hell of a record collection. As I mentioned earlier, I am taking inventory of my 374 records, and I've completed 47 of them so far. I just bought the Beatles' White Album today (can you believe I've never owned it?), and plan to get comfortable with it tonight after my daughter starts counting sheep.

I had a great birthday. Got to see my family, had a great lunch, and will be rockin' my Mets DVD's in no time....

Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga tonight on SNL. Which cast member will say "cunt" ?

Poor Jenny!

Did everyone catch the season premiere of SNL this past Saturday? I did. SNL in HD kicks ass. I like that we got two digital shorts, and poor Jenny Slate! She drops the F-Bomb (fuckin'.....for those of you not familiar with the phrase "F-Bomb") in her very first sketch. She will not be fired, as it was clearly a slip, as opposed to Charles Rocket and Norm McDonald, who were each fired almost immediately after saying the dirty, dirty word on SNL.

I am performing an inventory of all my albums, and I'm having a blast. It's fun to listen to things I haven't heard in a while, and it's equally fun to really sit down and take in the albums that I haven't given enough time to over the years. Some of these will be cut from the ipod, but a lot of them have moved into a catagory of albums I will never skip over again while browsing itunes.

I am 2-1 in each of my fantasy football leagues. Favre has had 2 starts for me. It's just business. Fuckin' Favre......he's still got it. Fuckin' Favre.

Chi-Chi's and Billy Joel

What does Chi-Chi's Mexican Restaurant have to do with Billy Joel? I'll tell ya! Before it closed in 2004, Chi-Chi's was hands down my favorite restaurant. We went at least once a month for about 10 years, and were never disappointed. It was a fun atmosphere, the food was great, and damnit, I miss it. I understand there are two still open, in Germany, and although we've joked plenty about heading up to Germany for a quick getaway to embrace our Fiesta platters once again, it ain't happenin'. Whenever I would tell people that Chi-Chi's was my favorite restaurant, most people would say, "That ain't real Mexican food". I never said it was. But, whatever it was, I loved it.

The same goes for Billy Joel. When I tell people that Billy Joel is my favorite artist, I hear, "Billy Joel isn't rock". I never said he was. I like his voice, I love his melodies, and he's a great story teller.

Don't let other peoples opinions of something or someone mold yours. Continue to like what you like....

This message was brought to you by Texas Nachos and Prelude/Angry Young Man.

What Can I Say?

Check out this early 80's video clip of Billy Joel. For those of you that met me after high school, this is essentially the look I was going for when I was 18 ...

Low Percentage Fruit

Curb Your Enthusiasm returned to television.........wait.......I'm sorry..........HBO, with it's Season Seven premiere episode tonight. Very good stuff. I've missed it, and it was good to see Cheryl Hines. I wasn't sure if she was going to be on this season. I have three shows that I'm loyal to. SNL, Sunny and Curb. With Reno being cancelled, I'm down to these three. When these three are gone, who knows.....

I guess the Packers are not as good as I thought they were. A very disappointing loss today to the Bengals. But a fun day, all the same. Got out and played catch, and actually injured my pitching forearm. I know you're making fun of me for referring to it as my pitching forearm, seeing I haven't pitched in 19 years, but I will always refer to it as such, so blpppppppppppppp!

Tonight's forecast: sunny!

Paddy's Pub is open for business again tonight at 9:00 CST. I am prepared to exercise my funny bone. Making a sammy, and you damn right I gotz pickle and mustard on that muthaphucka.

Today, I realized that I'm not crazy about Foo Fighters' One By One album. It is my least favorite Foo record.

A mental exercise

Things I like...(random order)

my record collection, orange juice, my fantasy football league(s), pickles, reading, writing, going out for pizza, Saturday Night Live, making people laugh, baseball (watching it, playing it, talking about it), spending time with my daughter, watching my niece grow up, Mac, Charlie, Dennis, Sweet Dee, the Peanuts, the Onion, boneless wings, my loyal friends, taking naps, the dogs at Miller Park, having worked out (not working out, but having worked out....big difference), the promise my future holds (with hard work), the State (obvious to loyal TLC readers), my work, cold showers, hot shaves, peaches, strawberries, my wrestling DVD's and you.

I recommend making a list for yourself, and revisiting it often. It feels good.

Let's review a record! This won't be like the Elvis Costello "bit" I did a few months back. I promise. I got a lot of mixed reviews on that. No real middle ground, people either loved it or hated it.

Tonight I'm listening to R.E.M.'s Reveal. If I remember correctly, this came out the same day as Weezer's self-titled "green" album in 2001. I had anticipated the weezer album for some time, and bought Reveal on impulse. I had seen the video for "Imitation of Life" on MTV2, and liked it. Sonically, this album is really good. A lot of good melodies. I think it gets buried amongst all their other really good albums, but I like it a lot. Another thing that sets this record apart from most other R.E.M. records is that Michael Stipe tries something called enunciation. It is common to hear people harken back to a bands' "old stuff", and although R.E.M.'s old stuff is their best stuff, this album deserves to stand on it's own and the best post Bill Berry album they've recorded.

If at first you don't succeed...

...try, try again. That's the first bit of advice I received as a youngster that has stuck with me over time. I enjoyed writing my first book last summer. It was, and will always be a souvenir for an amazing baseball season for the Brewers and Mets. I poured everything I had into it, and I'm proud of the work I did. Damn proud. My goal was to sell 10,000 copies. I fell short. By about 9600 copies. 4% of my goal achieved. Not published, not licensed, no marketing, very little time, and nobody knows who the hell I am. But I did sell 400. 400 people believed in me, and nobody has said to me that they hated it. In fact, a lot of you have made an effort to tell me how much you like what I did. That's pretty cool. I like writing. Actually, I love it. I love writing, and it's one of the few things that really fuels me. Writing, baseball, good music, good food, good company and being a dad. So, despite many doors being slammed in my face, and having little to no money to work with for my next book, I am going to write again. Starting tonight. Because I love it. I'm still going to fight like hell to get published. I think I'm good at whatever it is I do, and I can't wait to spring 10.25.86 on you, which, if all goes well, will be in your hands on 10.25.11, which would be 25 years to the day of Game Six (you know which one). My original plan was to write in even numbered years, and promote the books in odd numbered years, but this project is going to take about 2 years to complete. The title and release date are both tentative. I'm excited to get started....

Side note : Reno 911! was cancelled recently. I found out 10 minutes ago. Six years of hilarity. Is that a word? I think it is!

5-4-3

I couldn't sell any of my Brewers tickets this weekend, so I decided to take my daughter today. We were rewarded by seeing a triple play, and a walk off by Prince Fielder. Even though the Brewers are 14.5 games back, there is still nothing like a Sunday afternoon at the ol' ball yard. The weather was perfect, we enjoyed some popcorn, shared a dog, and had a great time. My daughter turns 4 this week. We celebrated her birthday yesterday with family and friends. Her favorite gift was her soccer ball and goal. It was the first thing she mentioned this morning after she woke up.

I'm heading back to the park tomorrow with Amber, Mike and Sarah. I can't wait.

And so it goes

Draft day is history....

Not thrilled with my scoring league team, but I guess anything can happen. This is how "Day Bow Bow" shakes down....

Aaron Rodgers QB
Frank Gore RB
Jason Witten TE
Braylon Edwards WR
Hines Ward WR
Stephen Gostkowski PK
Larry Johnson RB
Chargers Defense
Steve Smith WR (again, the other one)
Torry Holt WR
Joe Flacco QB
Adam Vinatieri PK
Eagles Defense
Brent Celek TE

Gonna wind down and watch My Best Friend's Girl. Better be funny....

2nd Annual Son of Fugazzi Draft

Tonight is the 2nd annual Son of Fugazzi Scoring League I created last year to supplement the Fugazzi Fantasy Football League. I have the 9th pick, and auto pilot is OFF. I made the playoffs last year, and I want to get back. We are inside ten minutes until we kick off. Harry Connick, do the honors on the ipod....

That's a wrap

Last five picks go like this....

Devery Henderson WR
Jamaal Charles RB
Greg Jones RB
Brandon Pettigrew TE
Matthew Stafford QB

OK, time to be a dad. Scoring league results to come later tonight......

Whatever....

Next four picks....

Baltimore Ravens Defense
LeSean McCoy RB
Robbie Gould PK
Brent Celek TE

5 picks left. Still fuming about the auto picks. Now if I succeed, I can't even take credit for it....

Cheese and Rice !

I hate my life. I've been planning for this day for months, and my computer fails me in the 2nd round. Two picks were selected on auto pilot, Pierre Thomas (hurt) and Brandon Marshall (dick). I've been a baby ever since. My whole draft board is screwed. Even pissed off the league, and took Favre in the 7th round. Here is my team so far...

Adrian Peterson RB
Pierre Thomas RB
Brandon Marshall WR
Jerricho Cotchery WR
Carson Palmer QB
Steve Smith WR (the other one, not the good one)
Brett Favre QB

20 minutes away!

Super Dad has prepared lunch for Gracie, we've switched up the music to a live Police show, and I cannot wait another minute longer!

Less than two hours away....

All the mock drafts have been completed. All my worksheets have been finalized. I am ready to draft! As reported earlier, Adrian Peterson is the first pick. I've got some sleepers in mind, bye weeks have been double and triple checked. I've got the ipod rockin' on shuffle. Gracie is enjoying some Apple Jacks and Noggin. Let's do this !

Boys and Girls - ACTION!

My All Time State (the top 50 sketches in the history of the show)

Season 1 (14)

"Hormones", "Chip's Party", "Forever", "Fluffy Soft", "Old Fashioned Guy", "Doug & Dad", "Capt. Monterey Jack (shoes)", "Chips Commercial", "Tape People", "Pants", "On the Table", "$240 Worth of Pudding", "Grandma's Potato Chowder" and "Hot Pursuits".

Season 2 (9)

"Barry Lutz Show", "Service with a Smile", "Get a Job", "Copy Shop", "Superfriends", "State Intro", "Dad's Affair", "Oh Betty", and "Talk You".

Season 3 (10)

"The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay", "Blueberry Johnson", "Monkeys Do It", "Prom Photos", "The Bearded Men of Space Station 11", "Louie & the Last Supper", "Freaks", "The Animal Song", "The Funeral" and "Porcupine Racetrack".

Season 4 (12)

"Race", "Howard Report", "Normal Pervert", "Senator Cavanaugh", "Lil' Brown Dog Food", "Terrorist Situation", "Leonard Harris Show", "Free Market Economy", "Beach", "Fragments", "Bacon" and "Tough Choices"

Unaired (5)

"Carter's Lineage", "Coach Gunner", "Cock Skit", "Porno Sex Lover" and "Gunter Brothers"

Marky Leonard Mark!

The State, Unaired Sketches, Outtakes and Promos....

There is a reason why a lot of this didn't air. Not that it was bad, just not as good as what was chosen to be on the show. However, in my opinion, there were a number of skits that were good enough to make the cut. "Hot Day (Language)", "Stephen Hawking Standup", "Carter's Lineage", "Coach Gunner", "Department Store", "Deputy Cow Benny", "Dinner at Marky Mark's", "Cock Skit", "Porno Sex Lover" and "Gunter Brothers" were all really funny. A shorter version of "Gunter Brothers" did air, but this version is better. I also love the "Black to Black" reels, featuring all 11 members doing promos for "the next episode".

Now, my mission is complete. I've been telling everyone that I've been waiting a long time for this collection to come out, and I've finally sat through each and every moment. Time to kill myself. I'm kidding. TIME TO NAME.......MY......ALL.....TIME.....STATE! The best 50 moments in the history of the show......

But not before I process this Taco Bell......see you in about 45 minutes. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!

Goodbye. We're the State.

The State, Season 4, Episode 7....

I don't remember seeing a lot of these sketches, but the ones I remember were good. I love "L.A. Open", which pokes fun at how a lot of variety and/or sketch shows open their shows. "Tough Choices" is really funny, I like "Gunter Brothers", and "Adventures of Young God" was a great way to end the series. While I have gotten through the entire series, I will have two more posts related to The State. I will be reviewing the bonus disc with all the unaired stuff, and on my final post, I will name my ALL TIME STATE best of, featuring 50 sketches, one for each.......State.

Anyway, here's the best of Season 4....

1. Fragments
2. Terrorist Situation
3. Bacon
4. Leonard Harris Show
5. Senator Cavanaugh

And the ones that kinda sucked....

1. Die For Love
2. Slinky's

Time for bed. Gonna enjoy the new Pollard album, Elephant Jokes. 22 songs at around 46 minuters. If it's typical Pollard, 18 of them will suck, but the other 4 will outweigh the bad....

BACON, BACON, BACON !!

The State, Season 4, Episode 6....

Well, I waited a long time for this collection to become available, and we're down to 2 episodes. This one had some classic bits, such as "Jerry's Audition", "Bacon" and "One Camper". I have to admit, I fell asleep while watching this one, and when I woke up, I watched it again. My dinner really knocked me out.

The Brewers were also knocked out tonight. Another loss to the lowly Padres, and you can officially put me in transition mode, to football, that is. The Mets and Brewers have each had disappointing seasons, and while I will still follow my two loves (see book), I will start focusing on football. Anybody need Brewers tickets? I'm your man....

Damn this sideways house!

The State, Season 4, Episode 5....

Not a great episode, but a couple of skits worth talking about. "Prison Break" is the definition of a State sketch, featuring a simple premise, with many little jokes within the joke. "Prom" features members of The State going to prom with actual high school students (this actually happened), and "Borscht Boy" is probably the best sketch from this episode. Only two episodes left!

The Brewers made three big moves today, in an effort to shake things up a bit, and wake up a team that is 2 games under .500 and 7 games out of 1st place. Bill Hall has been designated for assignment, and has most likely played his last game in a Milwaukee Brewers uniform. J.J. Hardy has been sent to Nashville, and may also have played his last game with the Brewers, and Bill Castro has been let go as pitching coach. Hall will be replaced on the big league roster by OF Jason Bourgeois, who was hitting .316 with 36 steals in Nashville. Alcides Escobar will most likely lead off and take over at short, and he was hitting .298 with 42 steals in Nashville, and Chris Bosio will take over as interim pitching coach. Bosio has received praise for turning Manny Parra around this season, and has been a big league pitching coach with Tampa Bay. I, for one, love all three moves. We are a contender, a contender who has underachieved in 2009, and I like that ownership is recognizing this now. Expect more changes this offseason. I can't see Corey Hart back, and Jason Kendall is terrible. They'll also look to bolster a rotation this is one of the worst in baseball right now...

I hit some golf ball this afternoon. The weather was great, it felt good to get out, and now I'm getting ready to flip between the Brewers/Padres and the Cubs/Phillies. I wish I was playing catch with my daughter, though...

Don't you worry about AIDS?

The State, Season 4, Episode 4....

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! "Fragments" is the greatest sketch in the history of the show! I rewound to Holoubek's line at the end 22 times tonight. 22 times! This may be one of the best episodes in the show's history as well, easily the best of season 4. "Terrorist Situation" is probably in the Top 5 for best sketches in the show's history. It kind of makes Dr Evil's "One Million Dollars" seem not as funny after seeing it. "Leonard Harris Show" is brilliant. "Permanent School Record" is Michael Ian Black at his best. "Free Market Economy" is Borat before Borat was cool. I also love "Beach", and the "Cannonball Run" shot by shot remake in the closing credits is the frosting on this very, very funny cake. Only three episodes left, plus the bonus disc of unaired stuff.

Some random thoughts....

• Rick Pitino. In a restaurant? I want to know which one....
• Am I the only person who sees an Asian man with an earring and multiple kids these days and instantly says, "There goes Jon Gosselin"
• Man v Food makes me really, really hungry.
  
• I loves me some Paste Samplers.
  

Nah nih nah nah hoooooooo !

The State, Season 4, Episode 3....

There are literally no memorable quotes from this episode, so I went with a hook from the theme song. Hey, itunes! It's time to make "Boys and Girls - Action" available for purchase. Catchier than hell!

Not much great stuff here, but I will show the respect to "Lil' Brown Dog Food" and "Sal & Frankie". Look, even Billy Joel put out a few less than stellar records. See Cold Spring Harbor and Streetlife Serenade.

My dad wrote me a great letter today. I'm gonna keep it in my wallet, as a reminder that life is pretty good, life has it's ups and downs, and I need to be persistent when following my dreams. Thank you , dad. I mean it....

Jesus Christ, the Brewers suck ass. Machagottago! Machagottago!

These bags weren't meant for tacos

The State, Season 4, Episode 2....

Now this one, I do remember well. Good stuff. "Bikini Thong", "Normal Pervert", "Taco Man", "Senator Cavanaugh" and more zany antics from "The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay" make this a memorable episode.

I'm taking the Issue 55 Paste Sampler for a spin tonight. Sounds pretty good so far., maybe the best one in over a year! Traditionally, I take the 19-21 song playlist they provide, and shave it down to about 13 or 14 songs for the ipod, but I may be keeping more from this one. Each playlist usually features one artist that I am familar with, and I've probably purchased 20 albums from artists that I wasn't familar with until I heard them in Paste. This subscription is a great investment, and maybe my most enjoyable hobby these days.

It's starting to storm again. I'm gonna read for a bit, as I look forward to my haircut.

Give your mother the meatball!

The State, Season 4, Episode 1....

I'm starting to realize that when MTV originally aired these episodes, they aired the first two seasons a lot more than they did the last two, and I'll be honest...in looking at the list of sketches on Season 4, I don't remember some of these. Some of these sketches are on the VHS best of that was released years ago, but I'm starting to wonder if I didn't see a few of these episodes when they originally aired. This first episode featured two sketches I don't ever remember seeing..."Slinky's" and "Cleaners". Or maybe The State and I were growing apart by that time. Some of the better ones from this one were "Race", "Tenament" and "Monkeys Do It II", which probably were all on the VHS compilation.

I tried to cut my own hair this evening. I thought it was going to be easy, but I can't see the back of my head, so I'm gonna ask Amber to get the last nine outs and take credit for the save.

The fantasy football preparations are coming along nicely. I have mapped out my first six picks, the non-keepers, if you will, and have targeted some names for rounds 7-16. Draft(s) day is three weeks away...

Takes all kinds, takes all kinds

The State, Season 3, Episode 6....

Worst episode by far, only two sketches were remotely funny...."Old Lighthouse Jeffers" and "Porcupine Racetrack". Season 3 was much stronger in the first 3 or 4 episodes than it was in the last couple.

Best of Season 3...

1. The Bearded Men of Space Station 11
2. Freaks
3. Louie & the Last Supper
4. The Funeral
   
5. Monkeys Do It

Not so good...

1. Planet Groovy
2. Rug Brothers

I hope everyone had a good time at the bbq yesterday. It was more of a cook-in than a cookout, but despite the weather, we had a great turn out. Mike Schwingle was able to put 24 cheeseballs in his mouth at once, someone may or may not have had a stroke while enjoying his lunch, and the Brewers won big!

Terrible, terrible clothes & pancakes

The State, Season 3, Episode 5....

Not one of their best, but I liked "Kerri's Day", "Betty's No God Clothes Shop and Pancake House" and "Doug IV". Doug IV features four generations, including his dad, Grandpa, and a flash forward to Doug's son, Dave.

OK, I need to light a fire under the Mets, so I'm challenging them to a game. It's the Mets vs the 1988 Animal League Bucks. I'm pitching, and I've got Dean Schuetze, Rob Crivello, Dan Ramstack, Andy Ohm, John Sauer and the rest of the gang with me. Seven innings, Fairy Chasm, tomorrow night!!

This will be my first game in 18 years, so I gotta warm up. Goodnight to you!

Don't get too close, friend!

The State, Season 3, Episode 4....

Medium Head Boy, a-Medium HEAD BOY! Another great episode, featuring another one of my favorites, "Freaks". I quote this sketch at least once a week, every week, since it aired 15 years ago. "Kill Tim" is very funny. "The Funeral" is classic State. I've talked about this before, but the only shame of this collection is the original music that was used is missing, for the most part. This episode originally aired with The State dancing along to Van Halen's "Panama" at an MTV Christmas party, and "Panama" is nowhere to be found on the DVD. A damn shame...

It's been a couple of weeks, but the clear winner (if it's even a contest) of the Grab Bag I bought is Lenny Kravitz' "Are You Gonna Go My Way". It's actually the only full length disc that made the ipod, and it's providing the soundtrack for my writing tonight.

I'll have you know that my sandwich was top notch. Michael Showalter was right. Mustard goes with everything. And pickle, you do your thing, you dirty, sexy gherkin....

But, I have a beard

The State, Season 3, Episode 3....

"The Bearded Men of Space Station 11" is one of my favorite sketches of all time, and not just for The State, for any sketch comedy show. The bearded men never get angry when they are accused of being aliens....you just have to see it. "Origami" and "Louie & the Last Supper" were also really funny.

I've started to read The Greatest Baseball Stories Ever Told, by Jeff Silverman, and I can already tell 9 pages in that I'm going to enjoy it. The first chapter is basically a transcript of "Who's on First", and while checking the Table of Contents, I see that there is a story about my boy, Keith Hernandez. I'll have this book read in a week, tops. I've also been getting the itch to start writing my next book, but I'm still hoping something big happens with Two Loves. I've recently e-mailed Gene Mueller and Mitch Nelles, to no avail. My persistance will hopefully pay off soon.

I hate preparing food for myself, but I've always liked making a sandwich, and that's what about do. Gonna make a sammy with turkey, ham, cheese, mustard and pickle. Was thinking of hittin' BW3's tonight, but I've been thinkin' of this sammich for a couple of hours.

See you later tonight with my charming take on episode 4 of season 3...

What kind of albino is that?

The State, Season 3, Episode 2....

This isn't official, but I think my favorite member of The State was Ken Marino. And no, not because he's Italian. If that were the case, I'd say Joe Lo Truglio, because he's Italian, and his name is Joe. Marino is such a great physical comedian, that he makes every sketch he's in funny, whether he's the main characther or not. He's hilarious in "Prom Photos", "Staring Contest" and "The Popes-a Visit". Another really good episode. Season 3 was really good.

I love my daughter. Tonight, at the dinner table, I was asking her who she loved more, the Packers or Brewers, and she exclaimed, "Packers, daddy". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

"Gracie, Packers or Mets?"............"Packers, daddy"
"Packers or Browns?"........"Packers, daddy"
"Packers or Daddy?"........."Daddy!"
"Daddy or your chicken?"......."CHICKEN, I LOVE CHICKEN, DADDY"
"Chicken or Grandma?"......."Grandma"
"Grandma or Packers?"........"no more" (which is her way of saying, "This game is now boring")

We all live together on Ave. A

The State, Season 3, Episode 1....

Solid. Solid comedy. "Boy in the Barn", "The Jew, the Italian and the Red Head Gay", "Blueberry Johnson" and "The Monkeys Do It" make this one of the stronger episodes in the show's four seasons. Whenever Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter portray Italians, it makes for some sweet, sweet comedy gold.

My apologies for taking a week or so off from TLC. I have no excuse, other than I can be a lazy so and so from time to time. I would love to tell you that I spent the time away supporting my community, or doing good things. Nope! Just a lot of snacking, getting ready for my fantasy leagues, and figuring out my new blackberry. I had a real fast talker at Verizon Wireless a couple of nights ago put me into one of these blackberries. I'm sure if my Grandma were alive, she would tell me that my "blueberry" is buzzing, and I'm sure I'll make the same mistake when I'm a Grandpa.

It's August 4th, and I've already swapped out my baseball stuff in the living room for the football stuff. Not that I'm over excited for the NFL season to start, it's just that the Mets and Brewers are giving me very little to cheer about. Is there a "baseball polygamist" curse?

Saturday afternoon is our big family cookout. I have three days to find the "Suck the Cook" apron on ebay.....there I go again. Ruining a perfectly clean blog entry with smut.

I'm sorry...






boobs

INTERMISSION

The Litmus Configuration will be back soon....I promise!

Happy Birthday, Dear Corn...

The State, Season 2, Episode 6....

This is the last episode of season two. Again, not as good as season one, but definitely some good moments. Nothing great in this episode, but "Hepcat" is funny, Ken Marino is great in "Babysitter" and I'm pretty sure I've "borrowed" from "Fetishist" quite often since the first time I saw it.

My top five Season Two moments are...

1. Service with a Smile
2. Dad's Affair
3. Superfriends
4. Copy Shop
5. The Barry Lutz Show

These two sketches were not favorites of mine...

1. Otto Bimini
2. Pimple

Today was the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from Cooperstown. I love watching these. Today, Rickey Henderson, Jim Rice and Milwaukee's own Tony Kubek were inducted into the Hall. Rickey Henderson is one of the top five greatest players of all time. Nobody was more of a threat to generate runs than Henderson, and that's the name of the game. Rice had a solid career, and played in two of the best World Series of all time, in 1975 and 1986, losing both, to the Reds and Mets respectively. Tony Kubek was this year's Ford Frick recipient, and he is the first broadcaster to be voted in exclusively as an alanyst, and not a play by play man. I tell ya, when we didn't get Scully and Garagiolo on NBC, it was a treat to get Costas and Kubek. Man, oh man, do I miss the NBC calls in the 80's.

Because the Mets and Brewers have been struggling mightily as of late, I've been nostalgic for the 86 Mets and 87 Brewers recently. Tonight, I'm gonna pop in Game Six, but not thee Game Six, the other one. Game Six of the 86 NLCS, which, arguibly was the better of the Game Sixes. This is the one where the Mets were down 3-0 in the 9th on the road in Houston, and tied it to send it to extras. The game ended up going 16 innings, and was the game that put the Mets in the Series vs Boston. It's a 4 1/2 hour game, so I may start in the 7th...yep, that's what I'm doing.

Crime Rate Goes Up!

The State, Season 2, Episode 5....

Boy, the memories! I haven't seen or thought about a lot of these sketches in years, and there were some good ones in this episode. "Oh Betty" is hilarious. "Talk, You" is very clever, and "Headlines" has a lot of great energy. The "Can I Go Play" bits are still funny to this day.

I bought a Wilson A2000, Roy Oswalt model today. It's my first pitcher's glove, and I love it. I haven't had a chance to break it in yet, other than sitting on the couch, and staring at it all day. No Gracie this weekend (she's with her Grammy), so I hit Exclusive Company (my all time favorite record store) and picked up a "Grab Bag". Ten CD's for $4.98, and you have no idea what's in the bag. Sounded like fun! I got some interesting stuff....David Lee Roth, Lenny Kravitz, a couple of compilations, and some bullshit that I tossed almost immediately. Definitely worth the price, and I'm sure I'll do it again. Hey, I'm a dad. It's all I know. When I don't get to sharpen my dad skills, I do things like buy used CD's and sit around holding my glove all day.

Draft day is five weeks from tonight. Still haven't decided on my first pick. I'm looking at wide receivers and tight ends tonight. Listening to Pink Limousine by Rootbeer. A decent EP from the folks at Paste.

and a pickle, AND a root beer!

The State, Season 2, Episode 4....

We see something in this episode we don't see a lot of from the State....impressions. Lennon and Lo Truglio do Christopher Walken and Gilbert Gottfried respectively in the "Bownty" sketch. This episode belonged to Ken Marino, who dominated "Dad's Affair" and "PMS". Marino was always a favorite of mine.

What about that catch today during Mark Buehrle's perfect game! Was that the greatest catch of all time, based on what was on the line? Maybe! And Buehrle gets a call from Barry O shortly after the game. No, not Barry O, the WWF enhancement talent from the 80's, the President!

I'll be seeing four Brewers games in the next six days. I'm telling you, the Brewers need to build some momentum if they want to make a run at Halladay. Let's take all seven from the Braves and Nationals. Seriously, we can do this!

We are teenie little milkmaids

The State, Season 2, Episode 3....

This review of The State is brought to you by Electro-Shock Blues, by eels. Solid album, providing some background for my writing, not to mention my shoveling chex mix down my throat. We all remember "Bookworm", but it seemed funnier 15 years ago. The 2nd "Barry and Levon" sketch was no where near as funny as the first. I think in the end, the 2nd season will go down as the weakest, maybe because expectations coming out of the first season were so high. Trust me, folks, it gets better. There is a ton of great stuff in seasons three and four.

I've started to get some ideas for my next book. I'm leaning towards writing a book specifically about Game Six of the 1986 World Series. You won't hear about where I ate, or what cute things Gracie did in my next book. The whole book will focus on October 25, 1986, with a bit of buildup to that night, and a little bit of "Where Are They Now". I've outlined what I'm looking to get out of it, and have made a short list of people I'd like to interview for the book. I hope Lenny Dysktra can spare a couple of minutes, and I definitely want to talk to that guy who owns the mustard museum in Mt Horeb. I plan to start writing next summer, and hopefully release the book in the fall of 2011, in time for the 25th anniversary of the historic night. For now, I want to continue to spread the word about Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist. Forgive me, but I love talking about it. It's very similar to talking about my daughter. OK, I'll say it, I'm damn proud of it. I wrote a book, I think it's good, and I want people to know about it. Is that a crime? If I get hit by a truck tomorrow, Gracie and the book are my legacy................... What the hell am I getting all defensive for? I need to relax. Goodnight, TLC readers!

Fire...kids...hurry!!

The State, Season 2, Episode 2....

Not a great one, and now I'm starting to remember that season one was better than season two. I like "Get A Job", "Copy Shop" and "Superfriends", but the rest of it just wasn't that great. I actually had a dream last night that I was writing for the State, and I lived with all 11 members in a giant mansion. Ben Garant gave me a birthday card with $500 in it. Thanks, Ben!

It's depressing to say this, but I think the Mets are done. Not enough positive energy to turn this thing around in 2009. Still a ton of talent heading into 2010, we just need to get healthy, and I think we need one more starter.

Speaking of starters, it looks like the Brewers could be in the Roy Halladay mix. I've heard Parra, Gamel, and Escobar's names being thrown around. Pull the trigger! He's that good!

I bought some golf clubs today. Thursday and Sunday nights, baby....let's play some golf!

CHICKEN SANDWICH, CARL !!

The State, Season 2, Episode 1....

The stand out sketch here is "Service With a Smile", which maybe one of my favorite State sketches of all time. "The Barry Lutz Show" was pretty funny, but all in all, not one of the best episodes in the series. I am loving the DVD commentaries, though.

My old pal Bobby Douglas found me on facebook tonight. I haven't seen the kid in years, but he's family. C'mon, Bob, let's see that ball game soon, and for the love of God, please upload the picture I suggested for your profile. We still do the "Bob Stache" in the Fugazzi Fantasy Football League. That picture has become our calling card. It's like the friggin arches at McDonald's !

Did anyone see Tom Jones on Fallon tonight? What was with the hair? Good Lord, man...

Felipe Lopez, 4-4...nice way to start your Brewers career, my friend. The Brewers fall 8-5, despite the big night from the newbie....

My apologies to anyone I offended in the Elvis Costello album review bit. I used the word "shart", which is very low brow. Next time, I will say it with a gentlemanly English accent, and it will come out, "shaaht".

You've heard it all before

The State, Season 1, Episode 5....

A couple of old favorites featured in this episode..."Grandma's Potato Chowder", the first "James Dixon" sketch, and more zaniness from "Old Fashioned Guy". This was the last episode of season one, and I have to say, I've been really happy with the DVD thus far. It was well worth the wait.

My top five moments of season one are...

1. Hormones
2. Capt Monterey Jack (shoes)
3. On the Table
4. Tape People
5. Pants

...and the two sketches I could do without...

1. Missy von Himmelman
2. Free Your Mind (smoker)

While I've been in the reviewing media mood as of late, I'll give you my two cents on an album that came out 9 years ago, that I've listened to for the first time tonight. Kid A by Radiohead. Tiffany Herrera, Dan Lozoff and a few others have been unsuccessful in getting me to like Radiohead in the past, and now my colleague, Deanna Roper is trying her best. Deanna has had the most success of anyone (although I couldn't give Amnesiac more than two listens). Kid A sounds pretty good after one go around. I'm not saying that I'll be traveling the country anytime soon to see them play, but I now have 3 albums of theirs on my ipod, and that's 3 more than I had two months ago. Good job, Ropey...

Mr Bouche, turn the camera off

The State, Season 1, Episode 4....

One of my favorite episodes.....The only bad thing about the DVD release is that a lot of the original music that was used could not be included on the DVD. It's weird to watch "Pants" without Cannonball by the Breeders, and it's just flat wrong to see $240 Worth of Pudding" without Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. I love "On the Table", which parodies a panel of six experts, and poses the question, "What is Art?", to which the first person says, "Like, paintings and stuff?". The host quickly responds, "Yes. Goodnight" as the credits roll.

The Fugazzi Fantasy Football draft is six weeks from today. I have the first pick. I don't know who I'm taking yet, but I have narrowed it down to two players, Adrian Peterson of Minnesota and Michael Turner of Atlanta. I won't let the Brett Favre nonsense affect my decision making. I will take the player I think can help me win my first title.

I am listening to the new Elvis Costello album, Secret, Profane and Sugarcane. I still feel bad about leaving his show early two weeks ago, so to make up for it, I will now review all of his records (each in 10 words or less, because I gotta take a dump).

• My Aim Is True (1977) One of my favorite albums.
• This Year's Model (1978) This is also really good.
• Armed Forces (1979) I shouldn't have eaten "The Baconator".
• Get Happy! (1980) Just bought it, still getting familiar with it.
• Trust (1981) Probably my favorite Elvis album.
• Almost Blue (1981) Next time, I'm going with one of their salads.
• Imperial Bedroom (1982) Starting to tap my foot, sweating a lot.
• Punch the Clock (1983) I suppose I could just run to the bathroom now...
• Goodbye Cruel World (1984) ...and put more thought into these reviews when I'm done.
  
• King of America (1986) I love this album. Listened to it earlier today.
• Blood and Chocolate (1986) My friends say, "Get this album". I will.
• Spike (1989) I could have just made something here...
• Mighty Like A Rose (1991) ...but Wendy's just sounded good to me tonight.
• Brutal Youth (1994) If it was just one patty, and a few slices...
• All This Useless Beauty (1996) ...of bacon, that would be fine, but two patties...
• Painted From Memory (1998) ...and six slices of bacon is just too damn much!
• When I Was Cruel (2002) I love this alb....ugh, I just sharted. Agh, shit.
• North (2003) I sing "Let Me Tell You About Her" to Gracie.
• The Delivery Man (2004) Kind of a country feel, but I like it.
• Momofuku (2008) Not crazy about it, but Jenny Lewis appears on it!
• Secret, Profane and Sugarcane (2009) I didn't shart. That was said for effect.

Have a good night! I think you know where I'm headed....

I think tying shoes is for sissies

The State, Season 1, Episode 3....

Highlights include Capt. Monterey Jack's rant on tying shoes, the Chips commercial (which I've personally ripped off hundreds of times since I originally saw it), Antonio, the foreign exchange student, "Tape People" (another bit I've "borrowed" from often), and "Mr. Magina", the sex ed teacher who brings attention to his last name, and how it sounds like a certain part of the female anatomy. The punch line is that the students don't know what word he's referring to, until he tells them.

I now have 96 friends on facebook. The 100th friend will receive a free copy of my book, Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist, and no, Deanna, you cannot delete yourself as a friend, and rejoin, trying to claim #100. This contest is being carefully audited by the same folks who monitor the nightly Wisconsin lottery Supercash drawings.

The Mets won a major league baseball game last night! This has been confirmed on multiple reliable sources.

I had two weird dreams last night. The first involved me visiting AT & T Park for a Dodgers/Giants game, and seeing a huge brawl, very similar to the one between the Pacers and Pistons four years ago. Manny swung at a fan, and in the dream, that fan was my friend Andy. Was it Fefer? Was it Gilson? Was it Filo? Well, I'll have you know that Andy Filo and I aren't what you would call "friends". We went to grade school and high school together, and we competed in little league baseball, but I wouldn't say we're friends. However, Filo, you are a "friend" on facebook, so no cheating on the book contest, buddy! It was Gilson....

The other dream seems like it's a test. I was doing some grocery shopping, and the cart I grabbed had over $1700 in cash paperclipped to a drivers license. In the dream, I struggled between keeping the cash, or trying to contact this gentleman. Gracie woke me up this morning before I could decide. What would you do? Personally, I know what the right thing to do is, but at the same time, daddy needs a new mink coat!!

Maybe I'm old fashioned....

The State, Season 1, Episode 2....

We are introduced to many recurring characters in this episode. "Old Fashioned Guy", "Doug", "Capt. Monterey Jack" and "Louie" all debut. We all love Doug and Louie, but I'm an Old Fashioned Guy guy. I love the suit, I love the carving of the apple.

Folks, if you're bored with these reviews, there are only 22 episodes left. Just wait till I get to the Saturday Night Live reviews..... We're talking around 700 episodes, each 90 minutes long, going back to October of 1975. I'm hope I'm kidding, or else I'm gonna miss a lot of Gracie's future soccer games.

Does it bother anyone else that I scored as many runs as the Brewers and Mets did combined tonight. Their payrolls are around $140,000,000 combined for 2009, and today, I'm pretty sure the socks I wore to work didn't match.

I just finished reading 27 Men Out, by Michael Coffey. It documents the 15 perfect games thrown in the modern era. Some tidbits for you baseball fans - my apologies to all you baseball haters....

• Ron Hassey caught two of them (Len Barker in 1981, Dennis Martinez in 1991)

• Alfredo Griffin played on the losing end of three of them (Len Barker in 1981, Tom Browning in 1988, and Dennis Martinez in 1991)

• Two of the perfect games featured Angels at Rangers (Mike Witt in 1984, Kenny Rogers in 1994)

• The winning team has never scored more than six runs in a perfect game.

• Four of the games ended 1-0, and ALL FOUR TIMES, the run that scored was unearned.

While Amber is watching I'm 16 and Pregnant, I will be listening to my new Paste Magazine sampler, and reading the Complete Peanuts, 1965-1966. Lucy, please let that ol' Charlie Brown kick that goddamn football one time for my daugther....she thinks it's real.

And I stress....even in jest

Get used to me talking about The State, at least for a while. Here's a review of Season One, Episode One....

Here's the answer to a trivia question: "Boogeyman". The question? What was the first sketch on the first episode? Cut to a child (played by Kevin Allison), asking his mom to check for the Boogeyman. Kerri Kenney plays the mom, checks under the bed, only to have the Boogeyman (played by Ken Marino), give her some "sugar", as the kiddies would say. Highlights from the first show included "Hormones", one of my favorite sketches in the short history of the show, "Chip's Party" and Thomas Lennon proclaiming at the end of the show that you'll "always give me a boner". This episode also featured a running theme of people being carried off screen after saying the line, "I think I'm gonna kill the President", in jest. A couple of Thomas Lennon notes....I can't get over how much he used to look like the fat kid from Teen Wolf, and it's hard for me to see him without the signature Jim Dangle moustache that we're all so used to now.

The Brewers took care of business tonight, beating the Reds, 9-6, to get off on the right foot in the second half. Prince Fielder hit a three run knock, but the story was Braden Looper, picking up his 8th win, and going 3-3 at the plate. The Mets lost in Atlanta, 5-3, and with the Phillies winning in Florida, they fall to 7.5 games back. Not looking good for the ol' Metropolitans.

Some random observations.....

Have you ever stopped to think how funny it is when children and senior citizens swear? I die every time I hear Gracie say, "Oh, shit", and I remember a time about 10 years ago, I would not refund an overdraft fee for an older woman (in my Firstar call center days), and over the phone, I heard her politely, very politely say, "well then phuck you, sir", in a voice so sweet, it sounded like a tootsie roll tastes. If you can imagine....

Tonight on the ipod, we are listening to the song stylings of The Low Anthem, and their album, Oh My God, Charlie Darwin. And when I say we, I mean me, a can of flat pepsi and some stale pretzels. Don't be jealous, fellas! I work damn hard for this luxury....

Confract two, Hank....

Yes, I've chosen a Midnight Run reference as the title for my new blog. So what? I enjoy the movie, I've seen it over a hundred times. It makes me smile. It's been about 2 years since I started work on my book, Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist, and I promised myself I wouldn't start writing my next book until the summer of 2010, but I need some sort of creative outlet, even if it means I'll be reviewing DVD's and ranting about the Mets woes. Writing has always comforted me, much like holding a baseball in my hand, whether I'm playing ball or not. I need to do something other than watch WWF DVD's and order Toppers. Working out at the gym is ok, but I kind of feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not when I'm working out. I always make that face to people walking in........you know the face.......the Just another night burning these pesky calories face. As if to say, "This comes easy for me, ladies." It doesn't. I'm better at writing than I am on a bike, and I don't pant for the next 2 hours afterwards.

So, I'm writing again. What's on my mind tonight? No baseball. The NL lost the All Star Game last night. The last time they won the All Star Game was 1996. Three months after the NL won their last All Star Game, I lost my virginity. I feel like I've jinxed them. I have no idea what it's like to see the NL win an All Star game, and follow it up with 6 minutes of the No-Pants Dance. No idea!

I bought MTV's the State on DVD yesterday. Although I am a huge SNL fan (I was born 9 days before SNL premiered in 1975), The State was my show. A handful of my friends are as excited as me to view these episodes, but most of my friends could care less. My girlfriend was 12 when The State debuted, and I'm not sure she's ever heard of or seen the show. Moser was a Kids in the Hall guy, who has kind of warmed up to The State, but mostly because of Reno 911. Consider this an open invitation to Tom Hnasko and Jennifer Shukoski to come to my place for a night of The State. I'll make the popcorn....

Well, it's back to work for me tomorrow morning. I just got back from taking my family on vacation. We went to the Dells, and I am sunburnt. I am so badly sunburnt, that I am actually dictating this to a neighbor kid for $3 and the rest of my Pepperoni Combos in the kitchen. Thanks, Jimmy. Time for bed....