Happy Birthday, Dear Corn...

The State, Season 2, Episode 6....

This is the last episode of season two. Again, not as good as season one, but definitely some good moments. Nothing great in this episode, but "Hepcat" is funny, Ken Marino is great in "Babysitter" and I'm pretty sure I've "borrowed" from "Fetishist" quite often since the first time I saw it.

My top five Season Two moments are...

1. Service with a Smile
2. Dad's Affair
3. Superfriends
4. Copy Shop
5. The Barry Lutz Show

These two sketches were not favorites of mine...

1. Otto Bimini
2. Pimple

Today was the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from Cooperstown. I love watching these. Today, Rickey Henderson, Jim Rice and Milwaukee's own Tony Kubek were inducted into the Hall. Rickey Henderson is one of the top five greatest players of all time. Nobody was more of a threat to generate runs than Henderson, and that's the name of the game. Rice had a solid career, and played in two of the best World Series of all time, in 1975 and 1986, losing both, to the Reds and Mets respectively. Tony Kubek was this year's Ford Frick recipient, and he is the first broadcaster to be voted in exclusively as an alanyst, and not a play by play man. I tell ya, when we didn't get Scully and Garagiolo on NBC, it was a treat to get Costas and Kubek. Man, oh man, do I miss the NBC calls in the 80's.

Because the Mets and Brewers have been struggling mightily as of late, I've been nostalgic for the 86 Mets and 87 Brewers recently. Tonight, I'm gonna pop in Game Six, but not thee Game Six, the other one. Game Six of the 86 NLCS, which, arguibly was the better of the Game Sixes. This is the one where the Mets were down 3-0 in the 9th on the road in Houston, and tied it to send it to extras. The game ended up going 16 innings, and was the game that put the Mets in the Series vs Boston. It's a 4 1/2 hour game, so I may start in the 7th...yep, that's what I'm doing.

Crime Rate Goes Up!

The State, Season 2, Episode 5....

Boy, the memories! I haven't seen or thought about a lot of these sketches in years, and there were some good ones in this episode. "Oh Betty" is hilarious. "Talk, You" is very clever, and "Headlines" has a lot of great energy. The "Can I Go Play" bits are still funny to this day.

I bought a Wilson A2000, Roy Oswalt model today. It's my first pitcher's glove, and I love it. I haven't had a chance to break it in yet, other than sitting on the couch, and staring at it all day. No Gracie this weekend (she's with her Grammy), so I hit Exclusive Company (my all time favorite record store) and picked up a "Grab Bag". Ten CD's for $4.98, and you have no idea what's in the bag. Sounded like fun! I got some interesting stuff....David Lee Roth, Lenny Kravitz, a couple of compilations, and some bullshit that I tossed almost immediately. Definitely worth the price, and I'm sure I'll do it again. Hey, I'm a dad. It's all I know. When I don't get to sharpen my dad skills, I do things like buy used CD's and sit around holding my glove all day.

Draft day is five weeks from tonight. Still haven't decided on my first pick. I'm looking at wide receivers and tight ends tonight. Listening to Pink Limousine by Rootbeer. A decent EP from the folks at Paste.

and a pickle, AND a root beer!

The State, Season 2, Episode 4....

We see something in this episode we don't see a lot of from the State....impressions. Lennon and Lo Truglio do Christopher Walken and Gilbert Gottfried respectively in the "Bownty" sketch. This episode belonged to Ken Marino, who dominated "Dad's Affair" and "PMS". Marino was always a favorite of mine.

What about that catch today during Mark Buehrle's perfect game! Was that the greatest catch of all time, based on what was on the line? Maybe! And Buehrle gets a call from Barry O shortly after the game. No, not Barry O, the WWF enhancement talent from the 80's, the President!

I'll be seeing four Brewers games in the next six days. I'm telling you, the Brewers need to build some momentum if they want to make a run at Halladay. Let's take all seven from the Braves and Nationals. Seriously, we can do this!

We are teenie little milkmaids

The State, Season 2, Episode 3....

This review of The State is brought to you by Electro-Shock Blues, by eels. Solid album, providing some background for my writing, not to mention my shoveling chex mix down my throat. We all remember "Bookworm", but it seemed funnier 15 years ago. The 2nd "Barry and Levon" sketch was no where near as funny as the first. I think in the end, the 2nd season will go down as the weakest, maybe because expectations coming out of the first season were so high. Trust me, folks, it gets better. There is a ton of great stuff in seasons three and four.

I've started to get some ideas for my next book. I'm leaning towards writing a book specifically about Game Six of the 1986 World Series. You won't hear about where I ate, or what cute things Gracie did in my next book. The whole book will focus on October 25, 1986, with a bit of buildup to that night, and a little bit of "Where Are They Now". I've outlined what I'm looking to get out of it, and have made a short list of people I'd like to interview for the book. I hope Lenny Dysktra can spare a couple of minutes, and I definitely want to talk to that guy who owns the mustard museum in Mt Horeb. I plan to start writing next summer, and hopefully release the book in the fall of 2011, in time for the 25th anniversary of the historic night. For now, I want to continue to spread the word about Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist. Forgive me, but I love talking about it. It's very similar to talking about my daughter. OK, I'll say it, I'm damn proud of it. I wrote a book, I think it's good, and I want people to know about it. Is that a crime? If I get hit by a truck tomorrow, Gracie and the book are my legacy................... What the hell am I getting all defensive for? I need to relax. Goodnight, TLC readers!

Fire...kids...hurry!!

The State, Season 2, Episode 2....

Not a great one, and now I'm starting to remember that season one was better than season two. I like "Get A Job", "Copy Shop" and "Superfriends", but the rest of it just wasn't that great. I actually had a dream last night that I was writing for the State, and I lived with all 11 members in a giant mansion. Ben Garant gave me a birthday card with $500 in it. Thanks, Ben!

It's depressing to say this, but I think the Mets are done. Not enough positive energy to turn this thing around in 2009. Still a ton of talent heading into 2010, we just need to get healthy, and I think we need one more starter.

Speaking of starters, it looks like the Brewers could be in the Roy Halladay mix. I've heard Parra, Gamel, and Escobar's names being thrown around. Pull the trigger! He's that good!

I bought some golf clubs today. Thursday and Sunday nights, baby....let's play some golf!

CHICKEN SANDWICH, CARL !!

The State, Season 2, Episode 1....

The stand out sketch here is "Service With a Smile", which maybe one of my favorite State sketches of all time. "The Barry Lutz Show" was pretty funny, but all in all, not one of the best episodes in the series. I am loving the DVD commentaries, though.

My old pal Bobby Douglas found me on facebook tonight. I haven't seen the kid in years, but he's family. C'mon, Bob, let's see that ball game soon, and for the love of God, please upload the picture I suggested for your profile. We still do the "Bob Stache" in the Fugazzi Fantasy Football League. That picture has become our calling card. It's like the friggin arches at McDonald's !

Did anyone see Tom Jones on Fallon tonight? What was with the hair? Good Lord, man...

Felipe Lopez, 4-4...nice way to start your Brewers career, my friend. The Brewers fall 8-5, despite the big night from the newbie....

My apologies to anyone I offended in the Elvis Costello album review bit. I used the word "shart", which is very low brow. Next time, I will say it with a gentlemanly English accent, and it will come out, "shaaht".

You've heard it all before

The State, Season 1, Episode 5....

A couple of old favorites featured in this episode..."Grandma's Potato Chowder", the first "James Dixon" sketch, and more zaniness from "Old Fashioned Guy". This was the last episode of season one, and I have to say, I've been really happy with the DVD thus far. It was well worth the wait.

My top five moments of season one are...

1. Hormones
2. Capt Monterey Jack (shoes)
3. On the Table
4. Tape People
5. Pants

...and the two sketches I could do without...

1. Missy von Himmelman
2. Free Your Mind (smoker)

While I've been in the reviewing media mood as of late, I'll give you my two cents on an album that came out 9 years ago, that I've listened to for the first time tonight. Kid A by Radiohead. Tiffany Herrera, Dan Lozoff and a few others have been unsuccessful in getting me to like Radiohead in the past, and now my colleague, Deanna Roper is trying her best. Deanna has had the most success of anyone (although I couldn't give Amnesiac more than two listens). Kid A sounds pretty good after one go around. I'm not saying that I'll be traveling the country anytime soon to see them play, but I now have 3 albums of theirs on my ipod, and that's 3 more than I had two months ago. Good job, Ropey...

Mr Bouche, turn the camera off

The State, Season 1, Episode 4....

One of my favorite episodes.....The only bad thing about the DVD release is that a lot of the original music that was used could not be included on the DVD. It's weird to watch "Pants" without Cannonball by the Breeders, and it's just flat wrong to see $240 Worth of Pudding" without Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. I love "On the Table", which parodies a panel of six experts, and poses the question, "What is Art?", to which the first person says, "Like, paintings and stuff?". The host quickly responds, "Yes. Goodnight" as the credits roll.

The Fugazzi Fantasy Football draft is six weeks from today. I have the first pick. I don't know who I'm taking yet, but I have narrowed it down to two players, Adrian Peterson of Minnesota and Michael Turner of Atlanta. I won't let the Brett Favre nonsense affect my decision making. I will take the player I think can help me win my first title.

I am listening to the new Elvis Costello album, Secret, Profane and Sugarcane. I still feel bad about leaving his show early two weeks ago, so to make up for it, I will now review all of his records (each in 10 words or less, because I gotta take a dump).

• My Aim Is True (1977) One of my favorite albums.
• This Year's Model (1978) This is also really good.
• Armed Forces (1979) I shouldn't have eaten "The Baconator".
• Get Happy! (1980) Just bought it, still getting familiar with it.
• Trust (1981) Probably my favorite Elvis album.
• Almost Blue (1981) Next time, I'm going with one of their salads.
• Imperial Bedroom (1982) Starting to tap my foot, sweating a lot.
• Punch the Clock (1983) I suppose I could just run to the bathroom now...
• Goodbye Cruel World (1984) ...and put more thought into these reviews when I'm done.
  
• King of America (1986) I love this album. Listened to it earlier today.
• Blood and Chocolate (1986) My friends say, "Get this album". I will.
• Spike (1989) I could have just made something here...
• Mighty Like A Rose (1991) ...but Wendy's just sounded good to me tonight.
• Brutal Youth (1994) If it was just one patty, and a few slices...
• All This Useless Beauty (1996) ...of bacon, that would be fine, but two patties...
• Painted From Memory (1998) ...and six slices of bacon is just too damn much!
• When I Was Cruel (2002) I love this alb....ugh, I just sharted. Agh, shit.
• North (2003) I sing "Let Me Tell You About Her" to Gracie.
• The Delivery Man (2004) Kind of a country feel, but I like it.
• Momofuku (2008) Not crazy about it, but Jenny Lewis appears on it!
• Secret, Profane and Sugarcane (2009) I didn't shart. That was said for effect.

Have a good night! I think you know where I'm headed....

I think tying shoes is for sissies

The State, Season 1, Episode 3....

Highlights include Capt. Monterey Jack's rant on tying shoes, the Chips commercial (which I've personally ripped off hundreds of times since I originally saw it), Antonio, the foreign exchange student, "Tape People" (another bit I've "borrowed" from often), and "Mr. Magina", the sex ed teacher who brings attention to his last name, and how it sounds like a certain part of the female anatomy. The punch line is that the students don't know what word he's referring to, until he tells them.

I now have 96 friends on facebook. The 100th friend will receive a free copy of my book, Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist, and no, Deanna, you cannot delete yourself as a friend, and rejoin, trying to claim #100. This contest is being carefully audited by the same folks who monitor the nightly Wisconsin lottery Supercash drawings.

The Mets won a major league baseball game last night! This has been confirmed on multiple reliable sources.

I had two weird dreams last night. The first involved me visiting AT & T Park for a Dodgers/Giants game, and seeing a huge brawl, very similar to the one between the Pacers and Pistons four years ago. Manny swung at a fan, and in the dream, that fan was my friend Andy. Was it Fefer? Was it Gilson? Was it Filo? Well, I'll have you know that Andy Filo and I aren't what you would call "friends". We went to grade school and high school together, and we competed in little league baseball, but I wouldn't say we're friends. However, Filo, you are a "friend" on facebook, so no cheating on the book contest, buddy! It was Gilson....

The other dream seems like it's a test. I was doing some grocery shopping, and the cart I grabbed had over $1700 in cash paperclipped to a drivers license. In the dream, I struggled between keeping the cash, or trying to contact this gentleman. Gracie woke me up this morning before I could decide. What would you do? Personally, I know what the right thing to do is, but at the same time, daddy needs a new mink coat!!

Maybe I'm old fashioned....

The State, Season 1, Episode 2....

We are introduced to many recurring characters in this episode. "Old Fashioned Guy", "Doug", "Capt. Monterey Jack" and "Louie" all debut. We all love Doug and Louie, but I'm an Old Fashioned Guy guy. I love the suit, I love the carving of the apple.

Folks, if you're bored with these reviews, there are only 22 episodes left. Just wait till I get to the Saturday Night Live reviews..... We're talking around 700 episodes, each 90 minutes long, going back to October of 1975. I'm hope I'm kidding, or else I'm gonna miss a lot of Gracie's future soccer games.

Does it bother anyone else that I scored as many runs as the Brewers and Mets did combined tonight. Their payrolls are around $140,000,000 combined for 2009, and today, I'm pretty sure the socks I wore to work didn't match.

I just finished reading 27 Men Out, by Michael Coffey. It documents the 15 perfect games thrown in the modern era. Some tidbits for you baseball fans - my apologies to all you baseball haters....

• Ron Hassey caught two of them (Len Barker in 1981, Dennis Martinez in 1991)

• Alfredo Griffin played on the losing end of three of them (Len Barker in 1981, Tom Browning in 1988, and Dennis Martinez in 1991)

• Two of the perfect games featured Angels at Rangers (Mike Witt in 1984, Kenny Rogers in 1994)

• The winning team has never scored more than six runs in a perfect game.

• Four of the games ended 1-0, and ALL FOUR TIMES, the run that scored was unearned.

While Amber is watching I'm 16 and Pregnant, I will be listening to my new Paste Magazine sampler, and reading the Complete Peanuts, 1965-1966. Lucy, please let that ol' Charlie Brown kick that goddamn football one time for my daugther....she thinks it's real.

And I stress....even in jest

Get used to me talking about The State, at least for a while. Here's a review of Season One, Episode One....

Here's the answer to a trivia question: "Boogeyman". The question? What was the first sketch on the first episode? Cut to a child (played by Kevin Allison), asking his mom to check for the Boogeyman. Kerri Kenney plays the mom, checks under the bed, only to have the Boogeyman (played by Ken Marino), give her some "sugar", as the kiddies would say. Highlights from the first show included "Hormones", one of my favorite sketches in the short history of the show, "Chip's Party" and Thomas Lennon proclaiming at the end of the show that you'll "always give me a boner". This episode also featured a running theme of people being carried off screen after saying the line, "I think I'm gonna kill the President", in jest. A couple of Thomas Lennon notes....I can't get over how much he used to look like the fat kid from Teen Wolf, and it's hard for me to see him without the signature Jim Dangle moustache that we're all so used to now.

The Brewers took care of business tonight, beating the Reds, 9-6, to get off on the right foot in the second half. Prince Fielder hit a three run knock, but the story was Braden Looper, picking up his 8th win, and going 3-3 at the plate. The Mets lost in Atlanta, 5-3, and with the Phillies winning in Florida, they fall to 7.5 games back. Not looking good for the ol' Metropolitans.

Some random observations.....

Have you ever stopped to think how funny it is when children and senior citizens swear? I die every time I hear Gracie say, "Oh, shit", and I remember a time about 10 years ago, I would not refund an overdraft fee for an older woman (in my Firstar call center days), and over the phone, I heard her politely, very politely say, "well then phuck you, sir", in a voice so sweet, it sounded like a tootsie roll tastes. If you can imagine....

Tonight on the ipod, we are listening to the song stylings of The Low Anthem, and their album, Oh My God, Charlie Darwin. And when I say we, I mean me, a can of flat pepsi and some stale pretzels. Don't be jealous, fellas! I work damn hard for this luxury....

Confract two, Hank....

Yes, I've chosen a Midnight Run reference as the title for my new blog. So what? I enjoy the movie, I've seen it over a hundred times. It makes me smile. It's been about 2 years since I started work on my book, Two Loves: The Story of A Baseball Polygamist, and I promised myself I wouldn't start writing my next book until the summer of 2010, but I need some sort of creative outlet, even if it means I'll be reviewing DVD's and ranting about the Mets woes. Writing has always comforted me, much like holding a baseball in my hand, whether I'm playing ball or not. I need to do something other than watch WWF DVD's and order Toppers. Working out at the gym is ok, but I kind of feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not when I'm working out. I always make that face to people walking in........you know the face.......the Just another night burning these pesky calories face. As if to say, "This comes easy for me, ladies." It doesn't. I'm better at writing than I am on a bike, and I don't pant for the next 2 hours afterwards.

So, I'm writing again. What's on my mind tonight? No baseball. The NL lost the All Star Game last night. The last time they won the All Star Game was 1996. Three months after the NL won their last All Star Game, I lost my virginity. I feel like I've jinxed them. I have no idea what it's like to see the NL win an All Star game, and follow it up with 6 minutes of the No-Pants Dance. No idea!

I bought MTV's the State on DVD yesterday. Although I am a huge SNL fan (I was born 9 days before SNL premiered in 1975), The State was my show. A handful of my friends are as excited as me to view these episodes, but most of my friends could care less. My girlfriend was 12 when The State debuted, and I'm not sure she's ever heard of or seen the show. Moser was a Kids in the Hall guy, who has kind of warmed up to The State, but mostly because of Reno 911. Consider this an open invitation to Tom Hnasko and Jennifer Shukoski to come to my place for a night of The State. I'll make the popcorn....

Well, it's back to work for me tomorrow morning. I just got back from taking my family on vacation. We went to the Dells, and I am sunburnt. I am so badly sunburnt, that I am actually dictating this to a neighbor kid for $3 and the rest of my Pepperoni Combos in the kitchen. Thanks, Jimmy. Time for bed....